Joke is Power

The teenage boy was not doing well at all in public school, so the parents decided that it would be time to send the lad to Catholic school for the year.

At the end of the term, sure enough the son’s marks were straight As.

The parents were overjoyed and asked their son, “How did you improve so greatly? Are the nuns that much better teachers?”

“Not really better teachers,” said the boy, “but everywhere I looked I saw a man nailed to the cross, and I knew they meant business here.”

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”

Another patient asked, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “Because God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.

At the séance, she called out, “John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?”A ghostly voice answered her, “Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you.”

Martha tearfully asked, “Oh John, what is it like where you are?”

“It’s beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time.”

“What do you do all day?” asked Martha.

“Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there’s nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m.”

Martha was somewhat taken aback. “Is that what heaven really is like?”

“Heaven? I’m not in heaven, Martha.”

“Well, then, where are you?”

“I’m a rabbit in Arizona.”

Many years ago, a beloved Pope died and went to
heaven. Saint Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome your
holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man
during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass
through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all
parts of heaven."

St. Peter continued: "You are also granted an open-door policy and may,
at your own discretion, meet with any heavenly leader including the
Father, without prior appointment. Is there anything which your
holiness desires?"

"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the
mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the
ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual
conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love to see
what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time."St.
Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and
explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled
and settled down to review the history of humanity’s relationship with
God.

Two years later, a scream of anguish pierced the quiet of the library.
Immediately several of the saints and angels came running.

They found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, repeating
over and over: "There’s an ‘R’. There’s an ‘R.’ There’s an ‘R’… It’s
CELIBRATE, not celibate!"

A zealous
Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself getting
nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian, "you have to
be born again!"

"But I have been born again!" insisted the Hindu. "And again and again and again …"